‘Despair, Resentment, and Acceptance’, 2018, Powdered Charcoal
A triptych to represent my mother’s emotional struggle and journey with the debilitating diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
secrets, codes, and conventions
An experimental piece visualizing the niqab through a cage-like structure, interpretive of orientalist stereotypes about women who choose to cover - acrylic paint, glue gun
Secrecy in Saudi Society
I spent the first 18 years of my life growing up in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. When given the prompt of ‘secrets, codes, and conventions’, I considered investigating the secrecy of Saudi society, especially through the lens of Saudi women.
Privacy is integral to Saudi society, especially in regards to female spaces; this can include dressing modestly and making the choice to cover your hair or face. However, Western media often propagate the narrative that Saudi women are oppressed by this modesty; in the midst of the various ignorant and orientalist tropes pushed onto Saudi women, I wanted to explore the oppressive effect that the stereotypes themselves can have.
A piece reflecting how the politicized nature of the niqab restricts Saudi women from being viewed as anything but ‘oppressed’
Secrecy of Emotions
My investigation into privacy drew me towards the realm of private emotions and the secrecy of one’s true thoughts and feelings.
In experimenting with various ways to illustrate hidden emotions, I came across artist Henrietta Harriss, whose melancholic watercolor technique stood out to me. The painting on the left is a reproduction of one of her paintings.
Daydreaming
A painting of a friend who often complained about having his head in the clouds, drifting in and out of his daydreams. Inspired by the style of Henrietta Harris.
I also explored more expressive and abstract methods of illustrating inner emotional conflict, turning to the painting technique that Frank Auerbach uses to depict his troubled and tortured subjects in. Layering thick and messy oil paint to roughly carve out some features worked particularly well in illustrating distress and disturbance, however it lacked the ability to clearly portray identity.
My Mother’s Secrecy: Her Struggle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
A symptom of CFS she often complained of was ‘brain fog’ and not being able to think clearly - above is my attempt to illustrate the feelings that were difficult for her to describe.
My mother was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome when I was 12 years old. The diagnosis was completely debilitating for her and she was essentially bed-bound for up to 2 years. Witnessing my mother go through such an intense, sudden, and painful life change was very difficult. She tried to keep much of the emotions she was feeling private; my artwork in this part of the project explores my mother’s emotional struggle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
A quick watercolor sketch experimenting with visualizing my mother’s privacy regarding her emotions and struggles while she was dealing with CFS.
Suffocation
A drawing of my mother’s side profile wrapped in a suffocating fabric. I played with the idea of using an oppressive piece of fabric as a metaphor for the disease my mother was struggling with.
This idea then evolved into the triptych below, illustrating the three stages I witnessed my mother go through as she dealt with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. First, a stage of despair where she felt defeated and in pain. Then, a stage of resentment and anger at what she felt she had lost. Lastly, a stage of acceptance, where she came to terms with her condition and began a new chapter of her life. The oppressive fabric over her head is illustrative of the suffocating and debilitating nature of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.